Coins today, choices tomorrow.

Think of every small thing we say to our children as a coin. A single coin doesn’t buy much, but if we keep dropping them into the same jar—kind words, steady responses, tiny bits of guidance—soon there’s enough for choices. Coins today, choices tomorrow means that the things we say and how we say them become the tools our children use later when life feels hard: the words they whisper to themselves, the decisions they make under pressure, the courage they borrow when things go wrong. As parents, we don’t need grand speeches; we need short, true phrases that land in the moment and can be collected by our kids over time.

When a child is upset, your tone usually matters more than your exact wording. Calm, steady sentences that name the feeling and offer a next step build a habit of self-awareness and problem-solving. Phrases that validate and invite, rather than fix or dismiss, teach kids that emotions are part of life and that they have choices in how to respond. Repeating a few simple lines consistently is like offering the same kind of coin each evening—familiar, reliable, and trusted.

Here are a few short coins you can keep in your pocket and use again and again: - “I see you. That looks really hard.” “It’s okay to feel that.” “We’ll figure this out together.” “What’s one small thing we can try?” “You don’t have to be perfect to keep trying.” “Thank you for telling me.” “Let’s take a breath and look at our options.” “You are learning — not failing.”

Use these phrases as seeds for small lessons. After the storm has passed, ask your child what they noticed about their feelings and choices. Help them label what worked and what didn’t, and remind them of the coins they used: “You took three deep breaths and that helped.” Let them see that choices can be practiced and improved. When children are invited to pick between two reasonable options, they learn to make choices without feeling overwhelmed—and that builds confidence for bigger decisions later.

We also carry coins that are about who they are, not just what they do: “I love you even when…” “You are brave for trying.” Saying these before a challenge helps anchor kids in a sense of worth that makes mistakes less terrifying. Model the same language for yourself; let them hear you say, “I’m upset, I’ll take a minute,” so they learn self-compassion by watching you.

Remember, we’re not fixing everything with a phrase. We’re giving a steady currency that children collect until they can use it themselves. Small, repeated messages from a calm, loving parent add up. Over time those coins become choices: the ability to pause, to name feelings, to ask for help, to keep going. That is the quiet power of what we say today.