From Mentors

I remember being handed my first “helping words” when I was a kid — simple things adults said that made big problems feel a little smaller. As a mentor I’ve kept a pocketful of those phrases because they work: they name feelings, offer company, and give permission to be imperfect. You don’t need fancy speeches to help someone through a hard time. A few words, said calmly and honestly, can change the rest of a day or even the way a child thinks about themselves.

Here are short, powerful phrases that I use or teach kids to say to themselves. They’re easy to remember and can be said in minutes, any time:

Words matter, but the way you say them matters even more. Speak slowly, use a calm tone, and match your words to what the child is feeling. If someone is upset, gentle and short phrases work better than long lectures. If they feel embarrassed or ashamed, let them hear “I see you” or “You are not alone” first. Encourage them to repeat a phrase quietly to themselves when they feel shaky — kids as young as seven can learn to keep a simple sentence in their pocket like a tool to use when things get noisy inside.

Practice helps these phrases become automatic. Try using them in easy moments so they’re familiar in hard ones: after a small fall, when homework gets frustrating, or when someone tries something new. Invite the child to pick one or two phrases that feel true to them and practice saying them together. Model the language by saying things about your own feelings too: “I’m nervous about this, so I’ll take a breath.” That shows them it’s normal to struggle and normal to speak kindly to yourself.

Remember, I’m not a doctor or a therapist — I’m a mentor who believes small, steady words can make a big difference. These phrases won’t fix everything, but they can open a door to comfort, connection, and learning how to cope. Try them, switch them up, and share which ones help. Kids grow stronger not because they never fall, but because someone helped them feel safe enough to get back up.